How do I talk with an expectant mom?

You’ve been messaged by an expectant mom, now what? What do you do, what do you say? How much is too much?

It’s okay to be nervous…you’re building a new relationship, and a lifelong one at that!

From Jess, our Community Manager and 2x birth mom, do:

Be yourself

Don’t over-promise and under-deliver. Be authentic, honest, and open - she can tell if you’re just telling her things she wants to hear.

Follow her lead

Let her talk about what she wants to talk about. As prospective adoptive parents, you automatically want to talk about the baby, but if she wants to talk about the weather you talk about the weather. Ask questions about HER, not only her baby.

Be patient and supportive

Don’t be upset if she doesn’t always respond right away, or if there are breaks or lulls in conversation. She is processing a lot of emotions right now and silence doesn’t always mean she has changed her mind.

Offer solutions to problems - she needs a ride to a doctor’s apt, help her get one. Offer her any support and resources that your agency/attorney has available and make sure she has access to counseling!

Reign it in

We know - it is SO exciting when an expectant mom reaches out to you…but it’s usually not exciting for her. It’s difficult, stressful, sad, and scary to be faced with an unplanned pregnancy and consider adoption. So refrain from phrases like “we’re so excited to hear from you!” and use language like “thanks so much for reaching out!” It’s okay to be excited - share that excitement with your partner, or send us an email - we’ll be excited with you!

Do NOT:

Don’t be judgmental

Don’t automatically assume that all expectant mothers are 16 and pregnant or addicts. They are humans too, and are so much more than expectant mothers.

Don’t be nosy

Don’t ask intrusive questions. Your lawyer, agency, or social worker will ask the tough questions. Topics like: finances, the father, drug use, race of the baby are off-limits unless she brings them up.

Don’t refer to HER baby, as YOUR baby

It’s easy to get caught up in the excitement of connecting with an expectant mom, but her baby is still her baby. Referring to her baby as your baby can turn off an expectant mom, and is disrespectful.

When navigating your relationship with an expectant mom, remember to be kind and respectful. Try and imagine what it would be like in her shoes right now and keep that in mind when talking with her. And as always, we’re here to help!